From the Salmon

Ever have one of those days when you wake up to discover that your watch battery is dead and your bike has a flat tire?

That was my morning.

As I was walking to work, I found an intriguing piece of paper that promised to solve all my problems.

At least, I think that’s what it promised.

The front of the card inexplicably proclaimed four names in huge block letters: Jesus Christ, John the Baptist, John F. Kerry, and John F. Kennedy. It then promised that the back of the card would offer:

DIVINE TRUTH REVEALED AFTER MEMORIZING
LOG₁₀e(.43429 ... ) TO 2200 PLACES

Well, I certainly didn’t have the time to figure out all of those numbers myself, much less memorize them. So I flipped the card over to see what God had to say.

It appears that the Infinite Being was in rare form today:

BETH-EL SUPERNOVAED IN A STARWAR BY A KAMIKAZE, STARBOMB SURPRISE.

THE CRAB NEBULA, IN CONSTELLATION TAURUS, IS THE STARBOMB SURPRISE.

THE 1981 COMFORTER REVELATION WAS ABOUT JESUS CHRIST’S SECOND COMING IN THE YEAR 2004.

Um, okay.

Aside from the part where I kinda missed the Second Coming, I’m not sure that I was able to glean much of a lesson from this revelation. Well, except for this....

Friends don’t let friends memorize logarithms.