From the Salmon

This is the second of three in a set of posts looking at characteristics of transformational conversations that point to reconciliation. The previous post gave more context and looked at truthfulness. If you want even more context, check out two earlier posts exploring the pitfalls and possibilities of conversation in this interactive medium. And by all means, feel free to join in.

Before moving on to the next characteristic, I thought it was worth mentioning something. When I began this series, I made the decision to write primarily to Christians because the most compelling case I can make requires that I draw on the Christian traditions and ideas that have most shaped my thinking. But I don’t want to imply that Christians have a unique claim on any of these characteristics. Far from it. While I think Christians are specifically called to this within our own tradition, I recognize that there are people who aren’t Christian who beautifully exemplify these characteristics. And that means that this discussion is by no means a closed one. Regardless of where you stand in relationship to Christianity, I think we can learn from each other. So I hope you’ll join me in thinking about this.

Okay, where were we?

Openness

There’s an old Utah Phillips line that has always made me laugh: “If you live in California, you’ve got to be open. If you’re not, they pry you open.” Now that I’ve been out in California for a few years, I think that a lot of people here think of openness as a certain afterschoolspecialish nod to tolerance. That’s not what I’m talking about here. At least I hope not.

I warned you that I was going to start writing a lot more about Exclusion and Embrace, and this is a perfect place to jump on in. I won’t overload you with an extensive summary of Volf’s argument, but central to his discussion of Embrace as a metaphor for reconciliation is the idea of opening a space in our own selves for the other.

Sounds nice, you may say, but what the hell does that mean? Volf writes,

[This is] best summarized in the Apostle Paul’s injunction to the Romans: “Welcome one another, therefore, just as Christ has welcomed you” (15:7).

We could spend a lifetime unpacking that statement, but on the most basic level, it means that we let other people matter to us, even if they have different opinions or beliefs. Especially if they have different opinions or beliefs. Instead of labeling and easily dismissing people or seeing people chiefly as opponents to beat in an argument, we approach others with the idea that we might be able to learn from them, or at least learn together.

This means we ask each other questions. We don’t leap to assumptions and accusations, but try to understand each other first. A huge part of opening ourselves to others is, in a word, empathy. Volf writes that by letting others’ perspectives resonate within ourselves, by seeing from their viewpoints, we enlarge our own thinking and even gain new perspective on ourselves. He argues that we do this not because it’s a nice thing to do, but because of the empathy of the Incarnation and the open arms of the Cross.

This also means that we should invest in each other. Of everything I’ve said so far, this might be the most challenging of all to accomplish in this medium. It involves caring about people who you might never meet and doing so through dialogue that can be protracted and episodic. It means not judging people on the basis of a single post or statement but doing them the courtesy of reading past posts and past discussions first. It also might mean spending time we don’t want to spend graciously answering the questions of someone who annoys the hell out of us. And then doing it again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

This is certainly easier said than done. And given the limitations of the medium, there may actually need to be some boundaries to this. But as Jim pointed out in a ripple on a previous post,

Jesus, whether you believe him to be who he claimed or not, called people friends who scorned and cursed him. Some of them turned their lives around. Some didn’t. But that didn’t stop him.

With this example in mind, perhaps we can take a step back the next time we get ready to blast someone who thinks differently or even someone who scorns us or curses us. It can be difficult, but if we are to welcome each other as Christ has welcomed us, it’s the least we can do.

Proceed to Part 3.